A letter to my sister

I just can't thank you enough for helping me train and using your resources to get me through this.  Nobody has ever been so nice to me or helped me so much with anything ever. A marathon is an important goal for anyone, but for me I'm sure you know it's the biggest most important thing I've ever done in my life, and even though training is difficult for me and my lifestyle I fully intend to continue for future races.

Training has changed who I am and who I want to be. It's shaped this whole new person that I always wished and never thought I could become. I still struggle every day with feeling that I'm somehow broken or can't have a normal happy life, but becoming an athlete--not just a runner, not just someone who will run a marathon once, but a real athlete--has taught me that I am not broken, I am strong. It's irrefutable proof that my strength of will can carry me through anything, even if it's sometimes hard, even if I sometimes don't want to do it, even if other people tell me I can't or shouldn't or I'm no good.  Even if I am broken and even if my life is never normal, I really can get through anything and there is no reason for me to give up hope, ever.

I thank you every time I run for giving me that gift. Every time someone tells me how great I look I thank you. Every time I sheepishly decline a drink because I have to run 15 miles the next day and someone looks at me in awe I thank you. Every time I "matter-of-factly" tell someone I'm in training I thank you. Every time I look in a mirror and see a woman I am proud and happy to be--a woman who was once hidden by fat and anger and shame--I thank you.

Whether I make it through the finish at 3:59:59 or if I break my foot and can't finish at all, coming this far is a great achievement.  I'm doing it for me, but I am inspired and motivated to do it because of you. I am proud to be your sister and so excited to be following in your tracks. I love you!

I'm 1

Happy New Year!

Miss A has been my blog for a whole year. Awesome!

Here's what happened:

• I got on my feet with some temp jobs.
• I got back in the game after leaving JH. It was hard, but good for me.
• Then I got offered a real job on a real movie!
• I realized I loved being an office PA.
• It made me fall in love with New York.
• And I made lots of new friends.
• Then I got offered another job, and a promotion!
• I made more new friends.
• I belly danced -- a lot!
• I moved to a better neighborhood with awesome roommates!
• I got mugged and learned a valuable lesson.
• I started a brunch club.
• I got a nephew. :)
• I decided to really try hard for this AD thing.
• I got canned. It sucked.
• But I started running again!

And now I have come full circle. It's a new year and I have no job. Luckily though this time I have lots of friends, a nice place to live, a small but positive professional reputation, and--most important of all--a new goal! I'm applying for the DGA Training Program and in the meantime I'm hoping to get some set PA gigs to start logging hours toward my AD card.

New year, new adventures! Ready?

Cheers, assholes.

So a few months ago at this awesome party, Banana Payroll and The Art Shrew and I were approached by some nice enough lady. We talked to her for a while, but as the evening wore on she got progressively more and more drunk and more and more obnoxious. We tried to walk away from her, but she just kept following us around, sloppily raising her wine glass and slurring, "Cheersssh, assholeshh." Try as we might to just leave the situation with some dignity and do our own thing our own way, she was just so lame and pathetic that she could not let us go and she kept making the situation worse for everyone. I don't know, maybe she was fascinated by our ability to just move on with our lives.

I feel like this is the perfect metaphor for today.

So.

Yeah, I write down my feelings--sometimes those are hard to deal with and I write things out of anger or frustration... But I give myself this outlet so that I can keep the anger and frustration out of my life. After all, I would hate to become so lame and pathetic that I can't let someone walk away from a bad situation without making it worse for them. Right?

"Cheers, assholes!" has become a sort of rallying cry for Payroll and Art Shrew and I. Life got you down? "Cheers, assholes!" In a dating slump? "Cheers, assholes!" Stressed out? "Cheers, assholes!" Lost your job? "Cheers, assholes!"

We own it now; it's ours. We have taken her attempt at insulting us and completely subverted it.

The three of us have danced with Rock Bottom, so when someone treats us like crap it just rolls off our backs now. We're used to it, and we're prepared to laugh in its face. We have nothing to lose because we expect nothing. It's like walking into battle with no armor, just a body full of scars...you're not afraid of one more. So by all means, raise your glass of wine with me, give a "Woo!" and sing it out to the world at large, to each other, to anyone who will listen. Say it with love. Say it with irony. Say it just because it sounds good.

"CHEERS, ASSHOLES!"