Because I whine too much: A List for the Lonely

Awesome, amazing, incredible ways to find people that you just might like:

1. The Lunch Club
Jared did a good thing for all of us budding New Yorkers when he started the Lunch Club. Basically you sign up for an event through the website and show up on the day of. Other people interested in the event also show up, and the fun begins. I did a scavenger hunt in gorgeous Grand Central Station and a really fun improv comedy workshop. Both events were tons of fun, but neither one produced any serious friendship prospects. At the scavenger hunt, however, five girls formed a team as well as obvious bonds, so there's hope. I'm signed up for The Amazing Race, Lunch Club Style in April, maybe I'll see some of my teammates from GCS!

2. Enjoy New York
Do not sit in your apartment for two weeks and watch the fist three seasons of Lost back to back. Trust me, you'll feel like a total hermit after you emerge, frustrated and vowing never to watch another episode if you find out they really did kill off Charlie....not that I'd know, or anything. Since the launch of season 4, I started taking long walks in different neighborhoods. Since I occasionally (usually) get lost and wind up on a deserted block, I've gotten organized and purchased (with a store credit!) City Walks: New York, a set of 50 cards, each of which includes a detailed map and fun facts about the sights that you'll see. I just purchased two days ago, but I'll let you know how it goes after I take a couple of the self-guided tours. Maybe tomorrow will be the day!

3. Find Stuff to Do
With so much going on all the time, it can be a little overwhelming trying to choose a fun activity, or even to keep up with what's happening around town. Two great resources for this are www.eventme.com and Time Out New York. Event Me is kind of like a dating service without the dating part. Register on the website, fill out a comprehensive questionnaire about your personality and the kinds of things you like to do, and voila! The website will automatically generate a list of events around town that will pique your interest. There is also a function to search for all events, just in case you have to entertain guests with different taste. I have it set up to email the events to me every week, which annoys me just enough to remind me to keep going to events. Time Out New York, online and on newsstands citywide, offers a massive list of events sorted first by category (Around Town, Arts, Music, etc., etc., etc.), then by date. The online database is searchable, but I prefer to peruse the print version, which also handily provides compact subway reading material. My favorite part is the little red "Free!" next to events that are...you guessed it, free.

4. Take a Meeting
Seriously, check out the Newbie NYC post about Socializing in the City:

"be sure to get in touch with every person you know that lives in New York City
and catch up over lunch or dinner, even if you haven't seen them for 15 years.
Fact is, they are established, know inside info about the city, and will act as
a great resource. And don't be shy-they will usually want to hear from you."

You won't regret it. I don't. PDF, trying though he may be, used to be one of my best friends before we fell out of touch. Despite my embarassment over a few life mistakes in college, I got in touch with him when I arrived in November. Turns out, we're still great friends, and he even bailed me out of unemployment and let me take a bunch of hours at his tanning salon last week. I also had a fabulous brunch with Cousin-of-my-cousin Molly and her friend Jenn (who went to elementary school with me!). Molly and I never really gelled as kids, but it turns out that as grown ups we both love diner food, running (sort of), the entertainment business, and helping Jenn buy new plumbing accessories. She even graciously offered to submit a resume to a former employer of hers for me. Newbie NYC also reminds you to book appointments far in advance, which is so true; I tried to book that brunch with one week's notice but it was a no-go and we had to push it back to two weeks. It was worth the wait!

5. Get Out There
Seriously. I cannot stress enough how important it is to get over doing things alone and just do them. With the exception of My Salty Weekend, everything fun that I have done in New York has been alone. Sans amis. Solo mio. PDF works too much, Betsy just wants to hang out at home with her fiance, Aunt J and Cousin Jeannie are always super busy, and all of them have to get home to their dogs all the time. That's fine for them, but I'm in hot pursuit of a social life, dammit! So, all alone, I have taken bellydance lessons, gone on a scavenger hunt, learned about improv, seen a concert, gone running in prospect park, enjoyed a street fair at Christmastime, seen a parade, and spent countless hours walking streets and window shopping.

6. Take a Class
So far, my most socially promising activity has been the bellydance lessons, if only by virtue of seeing the same gals week after week. Find those kinds of recurring events and the friends will follow. Dance classes, ceramics classes, acting classes, improv classes, scuba diving classes, and of course, American Tribal Style bellydance classes! Now that I think about it, maybe I'll find a recreational moviemaking class or club to join. Maybe I can meet some other AD wannabes!

7. Join a Club
Seriously? I think Meetup.com is kind of lame. I've been to four meetups over the last few years and every one of them was awkward and kind of...well...lame. Still, clubs, like classes, produce results. You can join sailing clubs, biker clubs, science clubs, professional organizations, alumni associations, and even the New York Rangers Fan Club. For me this is as yet an untapped market, although the New York Coalition of Professional Women in the Arts & Media looks pretty interesting...

$1650 - HUGE studio apartment furnished w/bunk beds and desk. No window. GREAT DEAL!!! (nyc)

Okay, so yesterday wasn't the day.

It was going to be, it really was. And I'm still all gung-ho about it, so maybe today will be the day (justification). I was signed up for this comedy improv workshop after work and I busted a move to get over there, so that's why I didn't call (excuse). But today will be better, provided I can tear myself away from my boss's earshot long enough. Regardless, the comedy improv class thingy gave me a little boost of confidence (it's okay to take risks!), so I really think that I'm ready! Really!

As an aside (aside?), the comedy improv thing was amazingly fun, and I was actually kind of good at it! If it weren't $20 a week I would really really want to do it on a regular basis. I'd like to get PDF involved too. How fun!

So, as far as my adventures in New York go, I've decided that I'm tired of hating my building (did I mention that I don't like my building?), and I am now determined to figure out what I can do to change either my perspective, or my building.

What I'd like to do is start calling the cops every time people play music inappropriately loud. I'd like to tell people waiting outside the door that they can't come in until they're buzzed in (I tried that once--it didn't go so well). I'd like to make a building-wide campaign to minimize pest infestation. I'd like to find out who's smoking in the stairwell and kick his ass. I'd like for everyone to agree on quiet hours in the building after 11:00 (at least!). I'd like to completely eliminate trash rooms in favor of outdoor trash bins with lids.

So why don't I rock the boat and organize with some neighbors to make things better? Well frankly I'm a little concerned about my safety. For the most part my neighbors are all really nice people with families or single ladies or single young folks like myself, but there are a few creepy twenty- and thirty-something dudes who have people coming and going all the time and act all thuggy and what have you. And there's whoever smokes in the stairwell. And...well...I have to say it; I'm a woman who lives alone. What happens if someone decides that I'm trouble and starts harassing me? What happens if someone decides to climb my fire escape one night and break in while I'm there? What could I do?

Living alone is great, but I get very nervous about those windows.

Since my thoughts are all-over-the-place today anyway (hence the parentheses), I may as well say that the concept of the trash room is really bizarre to me. Whoever thought it was a good idea to keep a bunch of garbage in a tiny little indoor room is insane... Oh, hello roaches, nice to see you. Glad you could live down the hall from me. Ew.

Cheesy Metaphor

I like this little furball thing (pilfered from here (again)). I was thinking about how I can't tell if it's about to jump or if it's jumped already. It's actually part of an animation, but I don't want to watch the animation because I like the image as it is.

From one perspective, the little furball hasn't jumped yet. He sits there staring at the hoop nervously - his anxiety has created a little divet in the fur on his head (arm? kneecap? butt?). It really wants to be on the other side of that hoop, but it's afraid. "O Hoop of Gold, I beeseech thee," says Furball, "teach me your secrets! Lend me strength that I may find myself complete and happy on the other side!"

The hoop does not answer, because the hoop is an inanimate object like any other. It has no real importance to most creatures. Its only significance has been assigned by Furball, who has wanted to jump through this specific hoop for a very very long time, but who has irrational misgivings about his ability to do so.

"What if I fall mid-jump?" he thinks. "Or what if the hoop rejects me and spits me back out the way I came in? What if I don't fit through that hoop? What if I've been waiting to jump so long that I've become too old to make the jump?"

Looking at it from the other side, the furball has just landed with a poofy noise. The bounce in his step when he landed caused a divet in the fur on his head (belly? shoulder? leg?). He feels free and easy, having accomplished something that he's aspired to for a long time. "That wasn't so bad," he says to himself. "I'm very glad I got it over with, and now I can get on with my life."

Maybe watching the entire series of 'My So-Called Life' wasn't a great way to enhance my communication skills.

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This may be a little difficult to believe, but there was a time in my life when I was actually cool. I attended college (sparingly) at a medium-sized public university in Ohio, and I ended up becoming really popular there. I had dozens of friends. People I didn't even know knew my name and talked about me when I wasn't around, and they all loved hanging out with me. Boys wanted to date me, girls wanted to date me too. I had my pick of people to hang out with (in retrospect, I didn't usually make the right choice), everyone came to my parties, and if someone didn't like me it was because she was jealous.

Isn't that incredibly weird?

It's so wierd, especially considering that I can't even pick up the telephone and talk to someone I barely know when my entire career hinges on such things. Maybe I'm crazy, but I positively can't stand calling people. I freak out, I get all nervous, I forget what I wanted to say, and most of all I feel like a total pest. I don't like talking on the phone to begin with, and adding all that pressure I put on myself when it comes to my career, it becomes an anxiety issue. Like, as in anxiety attack....

Yesterday I actually picked up the phone, dialed, and then hung up when the person said hello. I hung up. On someone's cell phone. With caller ID. Luckily, my phone number has changed since I last talked to this person, so he doesn't know that it was me yet. But if I call back, I bet he'll figure it out...I'm such a moron!

I'm starting to freak out; to worry that my inability to cope with matters of the telephone are going to completely sabotage my chances at having any kind of production career at all. I'm beginning to fear that I have spent the last ten years of my life in languid pursuit of a job that I will never be able to do. I'm quite distraught over this--to the point that I've begun to think about what else I could possibly do for a career. What else am I possibly qualified for--that also wouldn't completely suffocate me the way my current corpo-temp-thing is suffocating me?

So riddle me this: how the hell was I ever popular and cool!? And having once been popular and cool, how did I end up like this? I'm stuck all alone in this giant city, with two halfheartedly interested family members and one friend who doesn't want to deal with any shows of emotion, and I'm a big blubbering mess of emotion! My life right now is one gigantic anxiety attack.

I need an outlet to release some of my emotional steam. Bellydancing lessons once a week doesn't cut it...I need to throw myself into something full scale! I need an extreme! I need...something! I just haven't figured out what it is yet!

Hopefully when I do I'll become sane enough to make a phone call without hanging up.