Bruised

That Comedy TV Show I Like Working On stopped calling me for additional days sometime before Christmas. I was never sure why. I stopped taking days during The Stunt Unit for that big fat movie, sure, but The Big Fish was still calling me when Stunt Unit was over. So I'd go. I'd work for Big Fish. I enjoyed being back at Comedy I Like. Then suddenly...CRASH. Nothing. I'd call Big Fish and he'd say he was booked. He acts dodgy now. He doesn't answer my texts. He still acts like he likes me, but I get no days. No love.

My real gripe here though is that there are people working for Comedy I Like, working for Big Fish, who are not as good as me. This may sound like elitism, but please know I am more than aware that I've only been on set for six months. I am more than humble. I try really hard to do a good job...the people I am talking about have worked no longer than me (in some cases less!) and are not as smart, not as knowledgeable, and not as quick to figure things out.

So what is it? What's the problem?

Is it my attitude? Am I too familiar? Is it my ambition? Am I overambitious? Is it my work ethic? Am I somehow not working hard enough? Did I miss my name on the walkie one too many times? Did I overstep a boundary?

For the love of all that is good, what did I do? What is it that makes Big Fish not want to hire me anymore?


And then there's Aunt J's Show. They've been nice about giving me a few days, and their key PA definitely noticed that I've come a long way since the last time I worked for him. But I still get the overwhelming feeling that Aunt J made him hire me (which is probably true) and that I will always have to prove that I'm not just another nepotism-milking must-hire (which is not true!).


On top of that, I have commercial work this week too. I know I shouldn't complain about any work right now, but I hate working as a PA for low budget non-union stuff. The commercial is paying very well, well enough to put up with it for three days, but still I hate it. I hate driving cube trucks, I hate doing pick-ups, I hate finding parking, and I hate when the producer tries to cut a corner by making me do ridiculous tasks and winds up spending double in the end anyway. AND they couldn't come through with petty cash for me so I'm out of my own pocket and stressing about money!


Friday night I got so upset that I cried to Columbia about it. He was so sweet, pretending that it wasn't a buzzkill for me to cry over my bruised ego and thin wallet the same day he went to a memorial for a deceased colleague. He's not much for verbal affection really, but he did a good job of comforting me.

It wears on you

A big and very lame part of my job is called "lock-ups." Locking it up basically consists of keeping the general public out of the movie, and it is done for various reasons. It entails asking people to wait a few minutes while the Company completes a shot, or altenatively, to divert them entirely to a detour. The NYPD helps us lock up car traffic, but we are entirely responsible for locking up:

Pedestrians, bicycles, rollerbladers, skateboarders, stray dogs, errant squirrels, flash floods, the mentally disabled (homeless and otherwise), the suspicious characters, equestrians, professionals, the elderly, young schoolchildren, the obnoxious Red Bull promo girls, renegade crew members who inexplicably enjoy blowing takes, delivery guys with handtrucks stacked ten feet high, idiots who have their headphones too loud, snobby rich people who believe they are exempt from silly rules, Cyndi Lauper (it happened today), store customers, bike messengers, Postal employees, people with appointments, people with dogs, people with big scary-looking dogs, people with scary-looking faces, the NYPD, the clergy, the paparazzi (they like to be called 'photojournalists'), the starstruck masses hoping to see famous people, and occasionally, some background actors who weren't on their marks on time.

The point is that all these people have lots of stuff to do, and they firmly believe their business is the most important in the world. So in the past, I don't know, week I guess, I have been screamed at, laughed at, hissed at, sneered at, jeered at, nearly spat upon, hit by a bicycle, personally threatened, and called nearly every awful name I have ever thought of.

I'm sure tomorrow the general public of New York will come up with something new for me.


kyle the girl
(on iPhone)

Why do I do this again?

I didn't make it into the DGA training program.

I found out last night. I knew when I saw the letter sitting on the table, before I even opened it. The envelope was too thin. Starlet made a big "oh no I'm so sorry" deal, but I just shrugged and said it was fine and went to bed.

It is fine. I'm disappointed, but I know I can get where I want to be on my own anyway. I'm also realizing that assistant directing is a stepping stone, not the end goal. I want to facilitate. I make things happen for myself as practice in hopes that I can make things happen for other people eventually. I want to make projects I believe in, stuff that makes me feel good about the world, the way i felt good and proud to work on Charlotte Doyle. I want to bring good things into being. I want to tell fairy tales and teach lessons and make someone joyful or tearful or even just thoughtful.

That's the answer!

I've been mucking about over a year now trying to find the answer to the question my coworkers ask over and over: "Why do we do this again?" The answer to that question is a key that unlocks a lot of mental doors that, lately, have been all around me, overwhelming me as I try to figure out what waits for me behind them without even looking. Each one is a daunting question: what career track should I take, what do I ultimately want to be, whether or not I should even stay in the business when I'm financially strapped, have no health insurance, no retirement plan and so little time for extras that other people take for granted.

The answer to all the questions is I want to make moving pictures with the light box.

I believe in their power to make people feel stuff. I believe in their power to explain how we feel in a way no other medium can. Like modern myths. So why not pursue that? Why not just try to make a movie? Why shut myself off to the possibility of being a good producer? What am I afraid of?

In the meantime I'll move to set, try to move up, try to do what makes me happy day by day, and do my best to stay open to the opportunities that are out there for me. Right? Right!


kyle the girl
(on iPhone)

It lives

Good morning, blogland.

Miss A will be comin' atcha soon, I promise. It seems like most people would really like to hear about the DGA Trainee stuff... Unfortunately I really don't have much to report. I was selected from over 400 as one of 80 for the first round of interviews; hopefully I'll be selected for the second round of interviews too, but I won't find out for about another month or so, maybe more.

I've been working like crazy on my current job, a feature film. I'm PAing again, not secretarying, and despite the lower pay I really like it better, and I'm hoping after this I'll be able to transition to set and start moving up in the AD department.

Other than work, I really don't have that much to report about what I'm doing. There's other stuff going on too, but I gotta get out the door...and go to work. Maybe I'll try iPhone blogging later.

Let me tell you about my promotion!

Psst, I'm not a production assistant anymore! Now I am the production secretary!

What does this mean?

1 - I am the Queen of Documents and Paperwork instead of being everybody's bitch.
2 - I get paid a buttload more!
3 - All those in need of filing and lists will bow before me.
4 - I get perks like kit rentals ($) on my personal equipment - also known as "They gave Dude a beeper."
5 - Steady(ish) hours!
6 - I'll be stationed right outside Payroll's office!
7 - I'll learn way more stuff because I'll be allowed to know way more stuff
8 - Less running around means less exhausted all the time!
9 - I can tell the PAs what to do! (sorta)
10 - This is only my second New York job. It's also a humongous film, especially for an indie being shot in New York. If I can hack it here, hopefully it won't be long before I move up the ladder to APOC. And then...and then?

Then I will either have a catharsis of lament that I am an APOC and not on set, or I will figure out what a bum deal live action is and move into coordinating for video game production or animation or something. I need to talk to the Grecian's equivalent of the Producer....he's not a cartoon producer (like my Producer was), but he's involved somehow in commercial animation I know. And I'm not attracted to him in the LEAST, so I feel confident that I'll be able to have a real conversation with him about what that side of the business is like and whether or not I want to get into it.

Door Number One? Door Number Two? Take the Money?

Yesterday I was nervous about finding my next job. Today I have options!

Door Number One - the Coordinator on my show mentioned that Network TV Show X is looking for office PAs and offered to send my resume along. The job would run from July until March of 2009. That's a long time! There is stability involved, which is nice, but that stability also suggests that I'd have to make a certain level of commitment to a whole year in the office. No set. No camera department to chat up. No moving up in the world. A whole year of getting paid what I'm making now. On the plus side, there would be benefits through the TV Network. But on the minus side I kinda don't know if I want to do this office thing for a whole year.

Door Number Two is to wait and see. That might sound super risky (and is, kind of), but here are the facts:

• Payroll and the Accounting Department are moving on to Incredibly Cool Childrens' Movie Z, and now my Coordinator might move there too.
• Payroll said they might hire an accounting PA (me?)
• Coordinator is referring me to TV show X, but mentioned that she didn't want to lose good people (I think/hope this means she likes working with me and would ask me on to her next job).
• a shorter term job in the office would be easier to swallow, since it would be over in a few months.
• If I get on Movie Z I would get to work with Payroll again! I love that girl; she's awesome!
• if I had waited one week instead of taking this job I'd have snagged a set PA gig working for Woody Allen. (Although then I wouldn't have worked with this awesome crew!)

I'm still putting my resume out there too... Who knows what will pop up? Maybe out of the blue someone will call me and ask me to produce my own incredibly cool children's movie. It could happen, right? Right??

Someday it will. In the meantime, I don't know whether to choose Door Number One (if it gets offered to me, which I believe it will) or Door Number Two, and I'm starting to wish there were a "Take the Money" option. It would nice to have a little extra, then I wouldn't have to worry so much about my next job to begin with.

Mom Takes Manhattan

Cousin J, who lives in the West Village, recently got a dog, but likes to travel.

Her mother, my mom's sister, recently lost a dog and has all her summers off from work.

My mom has been itching to come to New York to see me, but can't really come by herself.

Because of my job I unfortunately can't take time off to entertain visitors during the week, but I miss Mom and really want to spend some time with her.


All at once the answer to all these problems became clear to us! Mom and her sister should come stay with Cousin J's dog in her swank West Village pad! I don't have to worry about Mom alone in the urban jungle but I can see her after work! We can spend all day together on the weekend! Yay! My mom with me in New York!

Predictably though I didn't get to spend nearly enough time. Not nearly. But anything was better than nothing. Still I managed to have dinner with them every night but two. It was nice! If it interests you, we saw James Gandolfini at Cowgirl with two brunettes who looked like they were about nineteen. My mom and Aunt liked Cowgirl so much that they went back another night. Cute.

The best part though, hands down, was having my mom show up at Nancy's for Shuffleboard Tuesday, which has become a weekly tradition for some of the office crew. My mom played shuffleboard, ate bar food, met my coworkers...and had fun! (My aunt was completely horrified at the place, which sucked because she dragged my mom away before we really got going on the shuffleboard table.)

I'm exhausted. Along with running around after work every night with Mom and Aunt, I had a rough week! I had a thirteen hour day. I somehow wound up at this party the other night and went home reeeeally late (after kicking some serious Wii ass with Payroll--Yeah!).

I wish Salty had come too. And kinda that it had just been Salty and Mom and me. Or even just Mom and me. When I was growing up I always loved the rare occasions when the three of us did something, just us girls. It always felt like...I guess like family. Comfortable.

Breaking Up the Stag Party

Guys have life a little easier in a lot of ways. And, very often, I find myself frustrated with the nagging feeling that my gender is holding me back. If I were a guy I could be funnier. If I were a guy it would be easier to find a decent paying skilled labor job instead of temping. If I were a guy my body type wouldn't affect people's impressions of me as much. I realize this sounds like I am using gender as a convenient scapegoat for my problems. I am. Because it is. It affects me adversely, and I resent it. So there.

This issue is coming to a head today for me because I think I have decided what career track I'd like to pursue. It's not an easy one, but given my history as a photographer, affinity for dorky technical crap, and cavalier attitude it is kind of a predictable one. My inflated self-importance alone (you know you love me) might actually qualify me for membership in the Local 600 (ba-dum-bump!). I wanna work in camera!

Now this sure enough isn't 100%. I don't know if I will like it if I actually try it...but I do want to try.

Here's where the guy thing comes in. I feel like--by virtue of being an emotional girl who likes skirts and long hair and lip gloss--it will be extra hard to find my place in the boys club that is the camera department. They are as notorious for their chauvanistic egos as they are for their technical knowledge. To work in camera you have to be strong--literally. You must be able to carry around equipment that is delicate, expensive, and very heavy. Less upper body strength because of gender is not an excuse--you must be strong enough to do the job. You cannot be clumsy. You cannot mess up. Shooting on film costs an extravagant amount of money; if the camera department messes up, everyone has a setback.

You can't make a motion picture without pictures, so yeah, they're cocky. I don't blame them one bit. What they do is so cool.

Here are my hangups:

• I don't really want to be a D.P., which is the head of camera and pretty much the desired end of that career track for most people.
• I am kind of a klutz, and when I'm nervous (like, say, about loading wrong and wasting hundreds of feet of film and tons of time and buckets of money) it gets worse.
  
• I cry sometimes and I like dressing pretty; I can't really do either of those things if I want to be taken seriously and work in the camera department.
  
• I may have to give up socializing with people, except for people I'm working with. This includes dating, which is hard enough as it is.
  
• I will probably have to continue getting paid the same crappy wage I'm making now for some time before I can get a job as a loader. This sucks because I would like to be able to afford a decent apartment someday.
  
• Although I will learn lots of things that could help me with my Big Idea, I probably will not have the time or energy to pursue the Big Idea. And the Big Idea is probably my best shot at any kind of fame or fortune, however limited.
  
• If I try and decide I don't want to keep doing it I can try something else, but how much time will I have wasted then?
  
• If I try it and switch to something else I will always feel like I couldn't hack it.
• If I try it and switch to something else other people will probably think I couldn't hack it.

Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking. You think it doesn't matter what other people think. You know what? You're wrong! This business is all about what other people think! In fact, just getting a job relies almost exclusively on other people thinking you're really good at the thing you want to do. So it does matter. It totally does.

So the next step? Get on set. Start nosing around a little. Get on set. Talk to people. Get on set.

I'm working on it...!

A day at the studio!

Today I had a really fun assignment! Our production coordinator asked me to visit Silvercup Studios in Queens! After a quick jaunt over the 59th Street Bridge, my coworker dropped me off and I merrily skipped my way into the building. I was met by Lisa, a nice lady who showed me around. I was there to check out the dressing rooms and amenities, mostly to make sure they would comply with our megastar's riders (nitpicky things written into a contract). For example we as a company are obligated to ensure that certain people have private access at all times to phone, fax, Wi-Fi, and cable TV. There are lots of other things, but these were my main concerns for the day.

I took serious notes, made up a map of the floor layouts (so the talent doesn't get lost, bless them), and then dropped by Stage 10 to say hello to the Scenics and the Art Department management. They were building the interior of a New York City apartment...although I have to say it was much bigger than is realistic. Still, it was looking pretty good! I would have taken some photos, but I felt kinda funny.

After all that, I scurried upstairs, because Aunt J happened to be there! She's prepping for a TV Pilot, and since their schedule keeps getting pushed back she had some down time. It was so nice to see her and talk shop a bit! We giggled about Salty's pregant antics and made a cursory plan to visit more over the weekend. It's so funny to me now how intimidated I used to be by her, and also by this whole business. Oh, what a little immersion can do!

Speaking of being less intimidated by the Biz, I talked to our Assistant Locations Manager a little today about how he got into locations. He said he started by scouting, which is relatively easy to learn. Then he offered to take me out scouting on his next job! He said he really likes it a lot and that I would probably be pretty good at it, seeing as I'm Miss Personality when it comes to dealing with the public. And guess what? Location Scouts get paid more than I do! Yay! At this point I really need the extra cash if I want to keep up my rock star lifestyle, so I'd be more than happy to do a scouting gig or two to help pay the bills. And it can't hurt to learn...the more I know about the Business, the more likely I will be to find my niche in it.

I've also come to the conclusion that, no matter how much I like it, no matter how much fun it is, working in production is my day job, and it isn't really a very creative one. To wring out my inner creative sponge, I'm going to have to do something on the side. And...well...I have this idea. But I'm going to need some help. There will most certainly be more later.

The Cheshire Cat

We waited forever for wrap tonight (which is film talk for time-to-finish-up-and-go-home). It turned out to be a fifteen hour day, and wrap finally came at about 11:00. Clearly, if you read my last post, I've been spending this time thinking about my future and how I just don't know where to go next. I have so many options open to me that I'm a little overwhelmed, and I'm having a tough time making a decision. Right when I finished up that post, a disembodied voice popped into my head:


"There are other, cooler things out there, you know." The statement was ethereal, but very clear.

"Like what?" I say. I am Alice to the disembodied voice.

"Like...video games... and animation... It's like a whole wide world of creating stuff out of thin air."

"Oh!" I cry, "but I can't do that. I've never done anything involving that stuff."

"So what?" Asks the voice. "You're too dismissive. Think about how cool it would be. Think about how much you love all that stuff anyway. Think about how much there is to learn and the endless possibilities. You don't have to deal with the constraints of reality."

"But I know nothing about it.... I don't even know where to begin!"

"You know someone who knows about it.... So just ask."

"Oh no," I say silently. "No no no no no. I just started hanging out with him again. And I like him. He's cool. We're friends now. I don't want to scare him away with a whole bunch of curiosity about his job and how I can get a job like that. And there's too much other weird stuff going on there to try and get him to help me advance my career."

"Isn't that why you agreed to meet him in the first place?"

"Well...yeah...but then he turned out so different from how I expected."

"So what? Use anyone you can to get what you want. He's using you."

"That's different."

"How?"

"Umm... I don't know, it just is. Besides, I don't want to do that kind of work anyway, so I don't even know why we're having this conversation."

"Is that why you kept asking him about his work the last time you saw him?"

"Well it's interesting...and what else am I going to talk about with him? I don't want to know about the women."

"Yes you do."

"Okay, so I'm dying to know. But it's none of my damn business....and neither is the work thing! Now please go away!"

Finding the Pearl

I like oysters, when they're done right. I like them best the way my friend Shaggy used to make them back in New Orleans; char-broiled on the grill and soaked in garlic. The texture of the oyster, when cooked properly, is not rubbery or slimy, it's meaty and solid. Eating it makes you feel good and full.

Then there are raw oysters... Ew. They're slippery and taste of saltwater and plankton (or what I imagine is the taste of plankton). They feel like snot going down. The thought makes me want to retch a little. Ew.

Working in film is like a char-broiled oyster. Delicious! Choosing a career track? Raw and planktony. Ew.

I don't really know where to go next. I'm an office PA. Woo. Now what? Production Secretary? Blah. Coordinator? Mmmm...mmmayyyybeee....but I can't see myself being that good at it.

Accountant? Hmmm... I never in a million years thought I'd say accounting sounds interesting, but if you spend enough time drinking with my friend Payroll it becomes interesting. Accounting is a great way to learn the ins and outs of the business if you want to produce. According to Payroll, it's like seeing the film you're making through the Matrix. All that scrolls by your face is numbers, but within those numbers you can see all sorts of things.... She says she can tell who's doing a good job and who isn't. She says she knows all about the tiny problems that spiral into bigger problems. I have to admit that she makes it sound pretty cool. Still....Accounting?

I have to admit that being a producer sounds great. Sounds....great... But, like, everyone wants to be a producer someday. And god knows that if everyone else is doing it then it bores me to tears. And "I want to be a producer" is such a generic thing to say.

But I kind of want to.

I kind of want to learn more about the UPM and what she does. Moving up to coordinator someday would be a great way to get closer to that.

But wait! What about being an AD!? What about following in Aunt J's footsteps or whatever? I'm so curious about that! How would I do? Could I do it? Do I have the patience to survive years of lock-ups and walkies and extras to get there? And once there, can I live my entire life for months at a time on set? Can I walk the fine line between 'boss' and 'bossy'? Do I really want to be buried in paperwork for someone else's big vision and let that other person get all the glory? Because that's a lot of what being an AD is. Do I want to do that? And if not, do I really want to spend my time pursuing it?

I mean, I'm not getting any younger here...not that twenty-seven (and a half) is old, but I feel like I should at least be ready to move up from the bottom rung.

The world of making movies is my oyster. Unless I want to swallow that shit raw, I need to make a decision or two.

I'm a level 65 Production Assistant!

A lot of people have asked me what exactly it is I do at my super awesome amazing job in the movies, so I thought I'd share the details with you. While I was writing, I figured out that in many ways my job is like a video game, and I thought it would be fun to share the metaphor with you!

So by title I am a Production Assistant, or PA. I am working in the production office instead of on set, so when people at work refer to my position, they call my counterpart and I the Office PAs. We and the production secretary work under the APOC (assistant production office coordinator), who works under the POC (production office coordinator), who works under the UPM (unit production manager), who works under the producers. The producers work for the executives, the folks with all the money, who have assigned us all the daunting task of creating a good movie that will sell to distributors and make them lots more money so they can make more movies.

So I imagine that the producers (the ones on my movie, not THE Producer, who produces cartoon shows) are the king and queen of Hyrule. Princess Zelda has been kidnapped, and we won't get her back without the power of the Triforce: a movie that is 1) good, 2) on time, and 3) under budget!

Basically I have a home base (the production office) where I have a lot of maintenance and general upkeep tasks to do (like The Sims). My performance and efficiency levels give me points toward bonus rounds, which are more fun in terms of game play and also are more lucrative in terms of points. These bonus rounds are known as 'runs.'

Runs are like little missions assigned to me by the APOC. Throughout the course of a production there are about a million little things that need to get done every day: location permits must be picked up, frivoloties must be purchased to placate megastars, scripts must be delivered to talent, paperwork must be brought to set and back, etc. etc. etc. Each is a mission that involves finding your way to the thing you need to do, making sure it gets done right, and then checking in with the home base to see if there are any other missions you need to complete before you can come home and potentially level up.

Leveling up is an anticlimactic event that is often marked by learning a new skill or impressing someone important. It usually happens either at home base or out on set (like our space ship that travels around on its own mission). I'd say right now I'm a level sixty-five or so out of a hundred. That's a lot or a little, depending on how you look at it. It's really not too bad for my first time playing the actual game and not just a practice round, but I think I leveled down this week when I forgot to get a schedule A (location permit thingy) from the Mayor's office. It turned out okay, but still...that I forgot is not okay.

There are also hit points in the game. The higher your level, the more hit points you can lose before your career falls flat. HP are lost in a variety of ways; by getting lost, taking too long on a mission, your cell phone ringing on set, accidents, saying the wrong thing to the wrong person...you get the idea. HP can be restored by scoring points. If you lose enough HP your level can actually decrease, so it's worth it to go the extra mile whenever possible.

Just like any good RPG there is a point to all the stuff I do. There is an end goal. If by the end of the film I have maintained a certain level, then I can get to the next stage! What that will be depends on a lot of things...mostly on whether I get asked on to another job and what the position is that they want me for. I like this office gig; it's not bad. But if I can get on set, that might not be bad either. We'll see. If I keep doing a good job, and if I can decide on a department I'd like to try, then eventually I'll get a job in a department, or move up the production ladder. That's the prize for winning!

I'm a level 65 Production Assistant.

A lot of people have asked me what exactly it is I do at my super awesome amazing job in the movies, so I thought I'd share the details with you. While I was writing, I figured out that in many ways my job is like a video game, and I thought it would be fun to share the metaphor with you!

So by title I am a Production Assistant, or PA. I am working in the production office instead of on set, so when people at work refer to my position, they call my counterpart and I the Office PAs. We, and the production secretary work under the APOC (assistant production office coordinator), who works under the POC (production office coordinator), who works under the UPM (unit production manager), who works under the producers. The producers work for the executives, the folks with all the money, who have assigned us all the daunting task of creating a good movie that will sell to distributors and make them lots more money so they can make more movies.

So I imagine that the producers (the ones on my movie, not my friend, who produces cartoon shows) are the king and queen of Hyrule. Princess Zelda has been kidnapped, and we won't get her back without the power of the Triforce: a movie that is 1) good, 2) on time, and 3) under budget!

Basically I have a home base (the production office) where I have a lot of maintenance and general upkeep tasks to do (like The Sims). My performance and efficiency levels give me points toward bonus rounds (runs), which are more fun in terms of game play and also are more lucrative in terms of points. These bonus rounds are known as 'runs.'

Runs are like little missions assigned to me by the APOC. Throughout the course of a production there are about a million little things that need to get done every day: location permits must be picked up, frivoloties must be purchased to placate megastars, scripts must be delivered to talent, paperwork must be brought to set and back, etc. etc. etc. Each is a mission that involves finding your way to the thing you need to do, making sure it gets done right, and then checking in with the home base to see if there are any other missions you need to complete before you can come home and potentially level up.

Leveling up is an anticlimactic event that is often marked by learning a new skill or impressing someone important. It usually happens either at home base or out on set (like our space ship that travels around on its own mission). I'd say right now I'm a level sixty-five or so out of a hundred. That's a lot or a little, depending on how you look at it. It's really not too bad for my first time playing the actual game and not just a practice round, but I think I leveled down this week when I forgot to get a schedule A (location permit thingy) from the Mayor's office. It turned out okay, but still...that I forgot is not okay.

There are also hit points in the game. The higher your level, the more hit points you can lose before your career falls flat. HP are lost in a variety of ways; by getting lost, taking too long on a mission, your cell phone ringing on set, accidents, saying the wrong thing to the wrong person...you get the idea. HP can be restored by scoring points. If you lose enough HP your level can actually decrease, so it's worth it to go the extra mile whenever possible.

Just like any good RPG there is a point to all the stuff I do. There is an end goal. If by the end of the film I have maintained a certain level, then I can get to the next stage! What that will be depends on a lot of things...mostly on whether I get asked on to another job and what the position is that they want me for. I like this office gig; it's not bad. But if I can get on set, that might not be bad either. We'll see. If I keep doing a good job, and if I can decide on a department I'd like to try, then eventually I'll get a job in a department, or move up the production ladder. That's the prize for winning!

Overextenuatification and Preoccupation Continual-like.

Gotta finish my editing project. Gotta sleep more than four hours tonight too. Gotta get my dance costume ready for the parade on Saturday (be there in Tompkins Square)! Gotta wonder when this is all gonna happen.

I wish I had time or energy to hang out social-like during the week... Honestly if it weren't for the iPhone I don't think I'd be blogging or even keeping up with emails... Thank goodness I spend half my commute on the Manhattan bridge and can get service there!

Good morning, Starshine

I am alone in the production office. It's kind of nice, in a quiet and scary sort of way. It's one of those late nights that feels like an early morning.

Apparently our director is known for his 16 hour days, and thus far has only graced us with on-time wraps because two of our principle actors are minors. We have to honor the legal restrictions on their hours. Today though, no minors. So our 10:00 call time tomorrow was pushed to 10:30. And then to 11:00.

It's 12:30 now. I got the wrap report a little under an hour ago. I made up all of tomorrow's paperwork, and then my POC left. Now I get to wait for the Key PA to show up with the reports...and the lab just called. I need to dig through the reports and fax a couple over.

Except for the quiet hum of the copy machine and the busy honking of late night Holland Tunnel travelers below, it is completely silent here. I hurried to frantically complete my work, then waded through four days of RSS feed, watched a couple of podcasts, and now I wait. I really don't know how long it will be, but I do know that I can't go anywhere until those camera reports get where they need to go.

There is definitely a small part of me that misses the Nonprofit. It's nice to know your hours. It's nice to work only eight or nine or even ten in a day. It's nice to go out for drinks and already be dressed pretty. It's nice to be able to dress pretty.

But whatever. I can dress pretty on the weekends. I can, piece by piece, slowly revamp my wardrobe so that I have pretty work clothes. I can be awake more hours than I am asleep. And running more hours than I am sitting. Since I moved here I have felt kind of like a cow next to all the skinny rich girls with their boutique labels and personal trainers and Manhattan apartments, but lately I can feel the weight melting off my ass and from under my chin. I can't afford the new clothes anymore, but I sure can tighten my belts a notch or two and take a couple of things in.

Earlier in the day our producer's assistant gave me this link to a Bjork video. It's really cool...I guess production only ran for eight days, but with all the CGI it took 9 months from start to finish. Makes me wish I knew how to animate shit.

Oh where, oh where can she be?

Obviously, my job is kicking my ass. Obviously. But I feel like even if it wasn't I wouldn't be blogging as much. I just...don't feel like it. Which is a little odd, considering a month ago I was a blogging machine. Still, cool things have been happening, and I feel like I should write it down so I can look back later.

Over the last couple weeks I've been on another pallid date with Friend of a Friend (my never refuse an invitation policy is about to come to an end) and one kind of nice date. The nice date was really nice, but I just don't have the energy to follow up...I feel kind of indifferent about all that.

And I went to a couple of belly dance shows. That was a great day! Tiring, for sure, but it was wonderful to spend time with the Squirrel Girls and get to know them a little better.

I went to Cleveland, which was really awesome, because I got to do nothing! I really spent most of my time there just sitting around the house with my mom and sleeping. The MS walk was a really nice way to begin my visit; I got to make my mom cry tears of joyful surprise just by showing up, and I also got to see a lot of my family, including all four of my grandparents. I got to have a mini reunion with Salty and the four kids who grew up behind us when we lived in the Little Red House (they also happen to be our step-father's nieces and nephews). I got to poke Salty in her funny-looking distended belly. The best part though was a Sunday stroll through Lake View Cemetery in Cleveland Heights with Mom and Salty, enjoying a pretty day in a peaceful place with the two people I love best in the world.

I've realized that, since moving to New York, my life has been progressing two weeks at a time. It seems like every two weeks there is suddenly a beat, and then everything changes....so I'm kind of wondering what the next change will be... I assume exhaustion?

Tonight after wrap I met Aunt J and Auntie R out at a restaurant, where they were entertaining my cousin...who I have never met because she lives in a small country in Eastern Europe! I wish I could have been a little more enthusiastic about it, but I was still residually tired from my 6 am flight yesterday. I know that J and R understand; they've both been there many times. European Cousin was really sweet and I enjoyed just being around her and listening to her broken English (I wished I could speak her language) and learning about the country and our family. I've always wanted to visit my family in Europe--Salty got to go several years ago and said it was amazing! Even if it was just for a couple of hours I'm really glad I was able to meet her, and hopefully she's glad too.

I had a lot of fun listening to Aunt J try to describe our jobs to our cousin too... She told stories from the most ridiculously atrocious movie she ever worked on. Fun!

....

Oh dear. Okay, I'm practically dozing at the keyboard. It's time to go to sleep. My body just won't wait.

Tomorrow, maybe...

The glamorous movie business

I have a 6:00 am flight tomorrow morning that leaves out of Newark. How long does it take to get to Newark from my house? 45 Minutes. That means I have to leave at 4 am.

Which means I should have gone to bed about twenty minutes ago.

Before I go to bed though, I have to clean my apartment and pack. I need to make sure the cats have plenty of food and water for two days. My neighbor is checking in on them tomorrow night.

Before I can do that, I need to get home and stare into space for a minute.

Before that I need to take a taxi home from the Upper West Side.

Before that? Schlepping camera equipment from the street up to the D.P.'s apartment.

Before that a subway ride up the red line from TriBeCa.

Before that switching out the front page of 120 packets of sides. Right now all I can do is wait. They haven't even called in the martini yet. I've been here since 8. am. I feel bad for Jeff. He's been here since 6:30. My POC is a saint for being so calm. Still, somehow I love it. It sucks sometimes, but a lot of jobs suck all the time. I think either I'm a little slap-happy, or I'm about to reach nirvana.

A love story

On my way to the flower district to buy orchids today I felt so lucky and pleased with myself. When I pictured living in New York, I never saw cubicles or giant walls of files in my future, I saw taxis and sunlit sidewalks and people people people everywhere! In the production office I feel like I get the best of both worlds, and when the APOC (who is a really funny and awesome fellow to work with) asks who wants to do a run, I perk up and offer. I love getting out in the fresh air and drinking in the essence of New York.

New York, like no other place I have been, is a tactile city, and this is not easily avoided, although some may try. On an NPR spot one morning about Bloomberg's congestion pricing (that should absolutely be implemented), some woman actually said she didn't want to use public transportation (some of the best in the world!) because she didn't want to smell other people. Jesus Christ, lady, move to Kansas! This is New York City, home of 8 million people. Fresh air is a relative term here, like 'spacious apartment' or 'low prices.' I have no patience when people complain about things that make New York quintessentially itself--I worked hard to get here, and I leave my apartment every day overjoyed that I get to take the subway to work, and I get to see all the weird people, and I get to ignore solicitors. I drink up every moment like I'm Daniel Plainview and I love it. I LOVE it!

For better or worse, when I'm sick or healthy, down with the blues or on top of the world, I love New York through and through. And New York loves me back... I know because every day I see her she graces me with awe-inspiring beauty beneath the grit and dust. She shares her inside jokes with me. She teaches me lessons that are difficult, but necessary. She gives me constant tactile reminders that life really is what you make of it, and that, for a girl who's been through some pretty rough things, I have made a pretty good life for myself.

Woody freaking Allen!

When I go on a run, I like taking the subway best. This may be in part because I just like the subway, but I think it has more to do with having a few minutes to myself to breathe and be happy.

My goodness, I am happy when I'm at work! Even when I'm yawning or grumbling or have just finished screwing something up (at my desk jobs it was so easy to forget how clumsy I can be!) I am warm and candly inside. I haven't had this kind of satisfaction from a job since...ever.

I turned down a job on a Woody Allen movie today. I almost threw up when the AD on the line told me what the project was. I'm surprised I didn't have a tear well up while I told him I was already working on a project until July. There was magic phone rapport though (he was from Baton Rouge), so friendly banter was had and he told me to save his number. Sweet!

I have somehow become the de facto go-to gal for our megastar's needs, which is cool because I get to shop for her and I've always liked shopping for other people. Today I hung out a little with her driver while he took me to Staples for some supplies for her. We discussed her travel habits, which would probably be of great interest to people who follow celebrity gossip. I was curious about the driver's experiences back when he was on the NYPD. I think it comes from all the Law and Order I used to watch...

Also, in an unexpected turn of events, I need to snatch a belt on Canal Street, because my pants are falling off my hips! I don't know how I could be losing weight with the production buying me lunch every day, but it's definitely happening. Trust me, I'm not fighting it. I'd love to get all skinny for summer!

To Do, Tout Doux

Tout doux:

-Put NY Crosswalk software on iPhone
-Remember to leave the key in the production van
-Drink water!!!
-Leave early to pick up bagels and stuff
-Don't worry, you're doing fine
-Help J update the checklist thingies
-Buy tp and shampoo for home
-Budget double extra time for runs during rush hour
-Get directions from GARAGE, not office
-Figure out how to see AJ before Iraq
-Call Mom
-Start a binder for crew lists, et al
-Keep your chin up
-Work on speaking more clearly and directly

-Above all, hope. But do not expect.

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The first day was just as I expected it with a little more traffic hassle, our garage being very near the entrance to the Holland Tunnel (and me trying to turn the van in at 5:30!) I wrote that little checklist on the subway while bringing music to some child actors. Now I'm exhausted and finding solace in coconut ice cream with pineapple chunks. It's delicious, but I never wished so hard for a bottle of rum in my life!