I'm gonna miss you, Nonprofit.

Here's to you, Women's Rights Nonprofit.

I'm gonna miss Guzzle, with his positive outlook and the encouraging rhetoric. Please be part of the Brunch Club with me and Jennifer B!

I'm gonna miss you, 2.0, although I know this is not the last I'll see of you and the Mrs. We should start a damn Brunch Club!

I'm gonna miss Ivy, with your feminine sensibility and charm. Don't worry, your bangs look great.

I'm going to miss Cav, who agrees with me about taking names and what it means to live outside the Mystique.

I'm gonna miss ODG, who gets it about the Great Outdoors. And who runs the best DAG this side of the Mississippi. Enjoy the sheep... Technically I left them to you.

I'm gonna miss ME, who showed me that it's possible to play the exec game like a woman..., and I know this was a shitty time to leave you, and I wish I could have had another week.

I'm gonna miss D...in spite of his creepy weird Asian thing. At least he's honest.

I'm gonna miss Ortega, even though her family obligations prevented us from hanging out after hours.

I'm gonna miss Jeffé, and I think he'll miss me too.

Most of all though I'm gonna miss AIG, the Adorable IT Guy, who was the first person to remind me about my womanhood, who challenges my intellect, who surprises me with his gentleness, who cares about me in a weird, roundabout way, who has fantastic taste in music and in blogs, who makes me blush constantly, and who made me cry all the way home last night. You might never know it--although what do I have to lose--but you made me understand that it will be possible for me to love someone again someday. You're someone I want to be friends with forever, and I wish I had the balls to tell you. And I really hope you meet me at that stupid belly dance show in a couple of weeks, or at least that I'll see you again somewhere. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you what you have done for me, but I hope that somehow you can understand that in a very strange way, by stepping on my goddamned shoe, you brought me back to life.

Chupicabra?

My staple remover attacks some sheep on top of my monitor. Looks like poor Victor is falling behind the rest of the herd.

Ohhhh, I get it! They're here to meet women!

PDF left for New Zealand yesterday to see his boyfriend (who is working on a movie there), and he'll be gone for ten days. At first I was a little worried that I would be bored without my gay slave driver to order me around, but then I remembered that I have lots of stuff to do! I have to find my next job, I have to clean my apartment, I have to do laundry, and I have to go speed dating tonight.

Yes, I tried to slip that last one in there unnoticed...I'll provide a full report on my speed dating experience after it's all over. It will be way more interesting to write about it when I actually have something to tell. I'm approaching the experience with plenty of irony, so I can't wait to write it up!

I started my assignment at the women's health advocacy group on Monday. In an unexpected turn of events, it is a repository for cute straight men! Weird, huh? And bonus, they all support women's health issues and reproductive rights! I got flirted with yesterday, and I was a little rattled... After spending five years nailed to a mediocre relationship I'd quite forgotten how to flirt, so I got nervous and started talking too much. Other than adorable fellas, the job is pretty much your standard, run-of-the-mill admin position, and of course, well below my skill level. Hopefully this will motivate me to search high and low for a production gig.

Here we go again.

Three things:

1. I still have no job lined up for Monday

2. I'm sick

3. I still have no job lined up for Monday.

Today I called the temp agency again, hoping to hear my usual contact's cheery voice telling me about how I'd have to show up in Midtown at 9:00, and when I found out there really was no job my heart sank. I had been feeling kind of worn down and sore-throaty all day, and I knew that I was fighting a cold. I couldn't be sick and work all weekend at PDF's store. I couldn't be sick and look for a job.

If you'll pardon me, I have to sleep now. I have no words of wisdom to meet this challenge on this particular day. I'm literally exhausted. Good night.

Absolutely my new favorite word.

The last 24 hours have been sort of a whirlwind! I applied for an internship the day before yesterday, and yesterday I heard back from them by email. The internship was with Anderson Productions, an awesome little company that produces films and tv spots about progressive and humanitarian issues. I got to meet with the boss, Mr. Anderson himself, as well as a really great associate producer. They were so cool. I wish they could pay me, or that I were independently wealthy; I would have loved to work with them. Unfortunately they can't pay me and they would also require me to work two weekdays each week, which cuts into my ability to support myself. This would be fine if it were actual production experience, but it's really mostly research and preproduction. I'd love to do that, but then there's the money thing. Got to pay rent.

Sigh.

Before I decided to turn them down though, I made THE CALL. I have been trying to make this call for over a month. Helplessly I stare at the phone and sigh, wishing I could just pick it up and dial, but placing far too much importance on the stupid call to just make it. Last night, emboldened by my awesome interview at APL (I seriously love those people), I just did it. It went like this:

Me: Hi, [name removed], this is [Miss Adventurous]; I worked with you on [that TV show] last November.

Him: Uh....

Me: I'm [Aunt J]'s niece?

Him: Oh right! What's going on?

Me: Well I'm looking for some work and I was wondering if you knew of anyone who's looking for PAs?

Him: Not really, I'm just working on some commercials...

Me: (pause) Oh, well that's okay. Thanks anyway. Can I use you as a reference?

Him: Sure.

Me: Cool. Thanks a lot. Have a good one.

That's not verbatim or anything...well, almost. But you get the idea. Lame! It was so lame! I had all that telephone anxiety for some stupid lame call! And I get the feeling Aunt J was pulling some tough love out on me by telling me "Call! Just call!" So now I kind of think I'm back to square one. On my own....and wishin' and hopin'. And Tempin'....

So I think it's time to get a real job with actual consistent employment. This temp stuff has all been great up till now (ha!), but today when I spoke to my lady, who has been SUPER great so far.... nothing. No prospects. No ideas. First she said that I'm qualified to make more money. Woohoo! Then she let me down and said something like "It's been a little dry, lately..."

I wonder if that means now that they have to pay me more I'm going to get less work?

[insert grumbling here]

Life will be a little Saltier this weekend!

9:15.

Fifteen minutes after work began, and already I have begun to endure the onslaught of irritating and less-than-intelligent insults: The reason this itinerary said January 30 on it is because I forgot to delete the date. Excuse me? I'm sorry I don't understand Italian. No, I'm not an idiot. Yes I gave the itinerary to him. I'm sure he'll figure out that that isn't the right date. It's not rocket science. No, I didn't check it over before I gave it to him. Yes, next time I will. Please forgive me for my gross oversight.

I'm ready to gouge my eyes out.

I've been reading Becoming a New Yorker lately, which is a cute blog about someone else who moved to New York on a quarter-life crisis whim. So far I've read the first three months, and the tone is all positive and excited and cute, which is probably what mine would be like if I had different ambitions for myself, if working in an office were enough for me, if this job weren't so far beneath my potential that I would rather have a root canal than coming here to get yelled at about the way I print Mapquest directions or staple documents. Note to self: do not rock boat.

Anyway, BNY has inspired me to revisit the concept of brainstorming. Last summer I brainstormed and it led me here to New York. Check it out:

Pretty cool, huh? Some of those things I've already done, which is great! Some are things I don't really care about doing anymore. My life has changed, so the Things I Want To Do brainstorm sheet should change too. So instead of sitting here grumbling about the crazy lady I'm going to do another brainstorm sheet too.

PS. - I applied for a couple of PA jobs this week; I plan to call and follow up today at lunch. Also Salty, my big sister, is flying to New York today to see me! Barring bad weather, her plane is supposed to get in at about 5:15, and I'll meet her in Brooklyn after work! Yay!

Everywhere I go, townies seem to motivate me to be a better person.

Last night I had my first dinner with someone I didn't know before I moved!

In case you hadn't heard, I'm a belly dancer. I took classes for a year in New Orleans and about a month ago I started up with a teacher here in New York. Last night after class a couple of the gals invited me to have some tea with them at this weird and cute little Japanese coffee shop. See that picture? That was dinner. It's yakisoba noodles inside a soft bread. It was...starchy!

It was nice. We talked about the crazy lady I work with, we talked about Rego Park, Queens, we talked about moving to New York, we talked about dancing, we talked about Inspaworld, and we walked to the subway. Very nice.

Maybe they would like to be my friends. (:

So. More on the crazy lady I work with. She's one of those mid-fifties single career assistants with gaudy accessories and a very thick born-in-the-outer-rim-of-New-York accent. She rarely forms a complete sentence, but expects me to know what she's talking about anyway. She gets pissed off if I don't act like I care about her new kitchen cabinets or her cabinet hardware that cost her $400 from Gracious Home. She emphasizes her points in Italian. She occasionally says things that are blatantly insulting, like "Huh. You're a piece a work, you know that?" She drives to work every day and complains about it. She talks on the phone to her girlfriends all day (she is twice divorced and has no immediate family), but fusses at me if I want to take a half hour for lunch with my friend who works downstairs. If I leave my desk, even for a moment (like to make a copy or get a drink of water or--God forbid--go to the bathroom), and someone calls she yells at me like I'm four years old. Yells! According to her, nobody can do anything right, except her. She forwards me these super retarded emails with animated .gif pictures. She watches commercials online and laughs loudly at them. The other day she actually told the nice lawyer lady in our office that her hair looked ratty. She said that! Out loud! And it didn't look bad at all!

She drives me INSANE. This is one job I cannot wait to get the hell out of, paycheck or no. There are plenty of jobs that I can do without being barraged by insults all day. I understand that she's lonely and bitter about the world, and that those feelings are probably the cause of her behavior.

I feel sorry for her, I do, but it’s not easy to be forgiving. I think she drives me so crazy because deep down I’m terrified that I’m going to wind up like her, all bitter and annoying and watching sitcoms to escape the hell that is my life, living alone in a co-op in Queens that I could only afford because of my divorce money. I don’t believe in god, but if I did I would beg not to ever end up like that.

But what if I spend my entire life in this same stasis? What if I keep sabotaging myself with this stupid anxiety and I never reach my goal? Is that my future? F that shit, man! Not me, not ever! I need to get out there and do some serious networking! Like now!