Bruised

That Comedy TV Show I Like Working On stopped calling me for additional days sometime before Christmas. I was never sure why. I stopped taking days during The Stunt Unit for that big fat movie, sure, but The Big Fish was still calling me when Stunt Unit was over. So I'd go. I'd work for Big Fish. I enjoyed being back at Comedy I Like. Then suddenly...CRASH. Nothing. I'd call Big Fish and he'd say he was booked. He acts dodgy now. He doesn't answer my texts. He still acts like he likes me, but I get no days. No love.

My real gripe here though is that there are people working for Comedy I Like, working for Big Fish, who are not as good as me. This may sound like elitism, but please know I am more than aware that I've only been on set for six months. I am more than humble. I try really hard to do a good job...the people I am talking about have worked no longer than me (in some cases less!) and are not as smart, not as knowledgeable, and not as quick to figure things out.

So what is it? What's the problem?

Is it my attitude? Am I too familiar? Is it my ambition? Am I overambitious? Is it my work ethic? Am I somehow not working hard enough? Did I miss my name on the walkie one too many times? Did I overstep a boundary?

For the love of all that is good, what did I do? What is it that makes Big Fish not want to hire me anymore?


And then there's Aunt J's Show. They've been nice about giving me a few days, and their key PA definitely noticed that I've come a long way since the last time I worked for him. But I still get the overwhelming feeling that Aunt J made him hire me (which is probably true) and that I will always have to prove that I'm not just another nepotism-milking must-hire (which is not true!).


On top of that, I have commercial work this week too. I know I shouldn't complain about any work right now, but I hate working as a PA for low budget non-union stuff. The commercial is paying very well, well enough to put up with it for three days, but still I hate it. I hate driving cube trucks, I hate doing pick-ups, I hate finding parking, and I hate when the producer tries to cut a corner by making me do ridiculous tasks and winds up spending double in the end anyway. AND they couldn't come through with petty cash for me so I'm out of my own pocket and stressing about money!


Friday night I got so upset that I cried to Columbia about it. He was so sweet, pretending that it wasn't a buzzkill for me to cry over my bruised ego and thin wallet the same day he went to a memorial for a deceased colleague. He's not much for verbal affection really, but he did a good job of comforting me.