Three Phone Conversations.

Two weeks ago:

"Thanks for calling American Airlines, this is [Midwestern-Sounding Phone-Operator Guy]. How can I help you?"

"Hi, I'd like to book a flight for two cats."

"Okay, where are they flying to and from?"

"From Louis Armstrong in New Orleans to LaGuardia."

"When would you like to fly them?"

"On March 31, please."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we can only book flights for live animals 72 hours in advance or less. If you call back at that time we'll be happy to make the arrangements for you."

"Oh, okay. And actually I have another question for you."

"Sure, no problem."

"I read on your website that I'm not allowed to sedate them? And I was just wondering if I can have the vet sedate them and provide documentation that he felt it was necessary."

"Well you could, but I really wouldn't recommend it. The cargo hold is pressurized differently, and if your cats are sedated there's a chance they could die, should the pressure change too drastically."

"Are you serious? My choices are to completely freak them out or to risk their lives?"

"They'll be okay. We ship cats all the time."

"Oh. Uh...okay. And can you give me an approximate cost?"

"Sure, how much do they weigh?"

"7 pounds and 10 pounds."

"Okay... That will be approximately $395 for the two of them."

"Ouch. Wow. Well thank you very much. I really appreciate your help."

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9:35 Today:

"American Airlines, this is [Southern Lady], how can I help you?"

"Hi, I'd like to book a flight for two cats."

"Yes, ma'am, to and from what airport?"

"From Louis Armstrong in New Orleans to LaGuardia."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, you'll need to speak to someone at the ticket counter in New Orleans on the day of the flight."

"...What?"

"American Airlines does not operate a shipping facility in New Orleans, so you'll have to speak to someone at the ticket counter there."

"But two weeks ago someone at this number told me that I could call three days ahead of time to make the shipping arrangments."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm not sure who told you that. You'll have to go to the ticket counter in New Orleans."

"But I'm in New York. Surely I can make the arrangements over the phone with them?"

"No ma'am. You or someone else will need to go in person to the ticket counter in New Orleans."

"Do you have the number for that office?"

"No, ma'am, we don't have access to external telephone numbers."

"But it's American Airlines. It's your company."

"Yes, ma'am, but the office is operated through Louis Armstrong Internat--"

"Okay, okay, I get it... Just to make sure though, we're talking about the regular ticket counter for domestic passenger flights?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Sigh. "Okay. Thank you very much for your help."

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10:20 Today:

"Thank you for calling Delta Cargo, this is [Competent-Sounding Dude], how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'd like to book a flight for two cats from New Orleans to La Guardia."

"Okay, no problem. Are you familiar with the requirements and restrictions?"

"Absolutely."

"Do you have a day or a flight in mind?"

"Yes, I want to book them on flight 1772 on Monday, March 31."

"Great. And how much do they weigh?"

"7 pounds and 10 pounds."

"Small carriers?"

"Yep."

"Okay... You're all set. That will come to $233."

"...for both of them?"

"Yes, for both of them."

"And when [JH] drops them off, where will he take them?"

"That will be to the Delta Cargo Office at Louis Armstrong. Would you like me to give you their number?"

"You bet I would."

"Great. Let me get your info and book the flight, then we'll get you all set up for Monday and I'll look up that number for you."

"So we can book it right now over the phone?"

"Absolutely."

"And do I pay now over the phone?"

"No, you'll pay when you pick them up, is that okay?"

"Is it ever!"