Actual Post Date 4/17/08. Miss A is no longer able to churn them out... Without further delay, I give you the completely nonlinear stuff I wrote last night before I passed out with my computer on the pillow next to me. And now that it's done, I'm gonna catch a few Zs before I head back out...
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Thoughts are racing through my mind this evening, but in no particular order. I'm pretty exhausted tonight--another 13 hour day--and this time no martinis to blame it on. I actually had a good day at work... although the APOC commented on me looking worn out. I am kind of worn out. I'd like to think it's holdover from the nice evening I had with the IT crew from Womens Rights, but I know that's not true. This isn't physical.
In the interest of keeping it real I gotta say that I'm emotionally exhausted after a couple of weeks of people being noncommittal and flaky about hanging out (not Auntie though! And not my favorite IT department!).
I have a constant nature vs. nurture battle waging in my head. My nature is to trust people, to see the good in their hearts and to enjoy their company worry-free. The events of my life however have made me wary and skeptical, and I often project my own unrelated doubts and fears onto others. This is especially true when my mind is idle and left to entertain itself.
But, as we say in Brooklyn, Fuhgettaboudit! I am back to a place where I'm busy all the time and wiped out in the other two hours of the day. I no longer have time to worry about what anyone else is thinking. My body and brain are too wrapped up getting used to this work pace... Both of them have been kind of lazy the last few years, although taking Hurricane Katrina into consideration, several people have argued to me that I had a good excuse.
Back to the topic at hand though, I am off the market from Sunday at 10 pm through Friday at 8. Bye bye, social life, I loved you well, but I'm living my dream. Or something.
The producer even suggested a meeting tomorrow, but I just didn't have the energy to deal with his maybes and perhapses. I want him to be noncommittal about some things, but hanging out with me is just not one of those things. Now I kind of regret my impatience, both over the last few weeks (too much of that girl kind of impatience) and tonight (irritable and tired). Really I don't know enough about him to make any kind of real judgement call, but I do know that I'm starting to feel jerked around. That's nurture talking. My trusting nature tells me that he's really a great person who genuinely wants to be friends. It'd be nice to know, but I'm over worrying about it (especially since I gave up caring and blogged it).
My heart is in a good place, I'm feeling free and happy in spite of, or perhaps because of my exhaustion. I'm learning to let go of expectation and to replace it with hope and the joy of being a shiny little candle flame and living truly in the moment.
-----
Thoughts are racing through my mind this evening, but in no particular order. I'm pretty exhausted tonight--another 13 hour day--and this time no martinis to blame it on. I actually had a good day at work... although the APOC commented on me looking worn out. I am kind of worn out. I'd like to think it's holdover from the nice evening I had with the IT crew from Womens Rights, but I know that's not true. This isn't physical.
In the interest of keeping it real I gotta say that I'm emotionally exhausted after a couple of weeks of people being noncommittal and flaky about hanging out (not Auntie though! And not my favorite IT department!).
I have a constant nature vs. nurture battle waging in my head. My nature is to trust people, to see the good in their hearts and to enjoy their company worry-free. The events of my life however have made me wary and skeptical, and I often project my own unrelated doubts and fears onto others. This is especially true when my mind is idle and left to entertain itself.
But, as we say in Brooklyn, Fuhgettaboudit! I am back to a place where I'm busy all the time and wiped out in the other two hours of the day. I no longer have time to worry about what anyone else is thinking. My body and brain are too wrapped up getting used to this work pace... Both of them have been kind of lazy the last few years, although taking Hurricane Katrina into consideration, several people have argued to me that I had a good excuse.
Back to the topic at hand though, I am off the market from Sunday at 10 pm through Friday at 8. Bye bye, social life, I loved you well, but I'm living my dream. Or something.
The producer even suggested a meeting tomorrow, but I just didn't have the energy to deal with his maybes and perhapses. I want him to be noncommittal about some things, but hanging out with me is just not one of those things. Now I kind of regret my impatience, both over the last few weeks (too much of that girl kind of impatience) and tonight (irritable and tired). Really I don't know enough about him to make any kind of real judgement call, but I do know that I'm starting to feel jerked around. That's nurture talking. My trusting nature tells me that he's really a great person who genuinely wants to be friends. It'd be nice to know, but I'm over worrying about it (especially since I gave up caring and blogged it).
My heart is in a good place, I'm feeling free and happy in spite of, or perhaps because of my exhaustion. I'm learning to let go of expectation and to replace it with hope and the joy of being a shiny little candle flame and living truly in the moment.
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