I've been going a little overboard on the social stuff lately. Too much drinking, too much dating, too much eating out, too much worrying about what other people think, too much caring about things and people that are not myself.
This is classic Feminine Mystique behavior.
If you know me in the real world and we have spoken in the last month, you probably noticed how I seemed vapid and surface-y, and it might have annoyed you a little bit, because you know I'm better than that. In fact, I could read the irritation in some of your voices. Believe me, I'm with you! Reading over some of my blogs from the last month, I'm a little annoyed with myself. I mean, I'm very excited and lucky to have lots of really nice, creative, amazing friends and all, but I've busied myself showing off my wildly fabulous surface cool so much that I lost my normal, even-keel substance-y cool.
At work, I've been flighty, pestering Original Data Guy and 2.0 constantly with my chattiness and my antics. Granted, they're chatty too and they don't seem to mind, but I know they have more important things to do. Meanwhile I feel like all I've been doing is blogging all day and maybe chatting a bit on facebook. Nobody seems unimpressed with my performance, and I know I've really whipped a lot of the division's admin stuff into shape during my short time there, but I just don't feel like I'm doing anything particularly necessary, or at least not much. Mostly due to a lack of interest in nonprofit administration, my work has used up very few of my intellectual or creative resources. And quite frankly I can work at a mindless job, but I need to be kept pretty busy to ward off the daydreams and to keep me focused.
In other words, I was bored as hell with my day to day grind, so I started focusing on other people to stay excited about life.
I know what you're thinking. "Hey, wait a minute, that's not the brave, enthusiastic, mildly narcissistic Miss Adventurous we know!" And you're right. Under the shroud of the Mystique, I have not been myself. This living in the moment stuff has been bullshit. I've been living in moments, sure, but really only with other people. And that ain't me.
Now this is me: This week I'm starting a new job and hopefully continuing on my personal Yellow Brick Road toward dream fulfillment. I'm going to be tested with menial tasks, often exhausted, and occasionally needing some support. I promise though, that I will do my absolute best to truly live in the moment and to keep sight of who I am along the way, and that includes appreciating all of you and living my own life on my terms.
This is classic Feminine Mystique behavior.
If you know me in the real world and we have spoken in the last month, you probably noticed how I seemed vapid and surface-y, and it might have annoyed you a little bit, because you know I'm better than that. In fact, I could read the irritation in some of your voices. Believe me, I'm with you! Reading over some of my blogs from the last month, I'm a little annoyed with myself. I mean, I'm very excited and lucky to have lots of really nice, creative, amazing friends and all, but I've busied myself showing off my wildly fabulous surface cool so much that I lost my normal, even-keel substance-y cool.
At work, I've been flighty, pestering Original Data Guy and 2.0 constantly with my chattiness and my antics. Granted, they're chatty too and they don't seem to mind, but I know they have more important things to do. Meanwhile I feel like all I've been doing is blogging all day and maybe chatting a bit on facebook. Nobody seems unimpressed with my performance, and I know I've really whipped a lot of the division's admin stuff into shape during my short time there, but I just don't feel like I'm doing anything particularly necessary, or at least not much. Mostly due to a lack of interest in nonprofit administration, my work has used up very few of my intellectual or creative resources. And quite frankly I can work at a mindless job, but I need to be kept pretty busy to ward off the daydreams and to keep me focused.
In other words, I was bored as hell with my day to day grind, so I started focusing on other people to stay excited about life.
I know what you're thinking. "Hey, wait a minute, that's not the brave, enthusiastic, mildly narcissistic Miss Adventurous we know!" And you're right. Under the shroud of the Mystique, I have not been myself. This living in the moment stuff has been bullshit. I've been living in moments, sure, but really only with other people. And that ain't me.
Now this is me: This week I'm starting a new job and hopefully continuing on my personal Yellow Brick Road toward dream fulfillment. I'm going to be tested with menial tasks, often exhausted, and occasionally needing some support. I promise though, that I will do my absolute best to truly live in the moment and to keep sight of who I am along the way, and that includes appreciating all of you and living my own life on my terms.
No comments:
Post a Comment