I told you I used to be cool. Here's how cool I was:

That said, I have a memory I'd like to share with the class.

April 9, 2002. The day I was cooler than cool ever cooled.

It was, weatherwise, the first real day of summery sunshine in Dayton, Ohio, and every bright, hot spring day since has made me think of this day. The brick-paved quad at my university, teeming with students in short sleeves and flip flops, looked just a little bit brighter through the red lenses of sunglasses I had stolen off someone's head a day earlier.

My own black flip-flops had little pyramid studs all up the straps and flopped in time to the beat of this song, which was blaring throughout the campus, courtesy of the dj booth that was randomly set up near one of the science buildings. Delicious and sultry, it was the perfect tune for that day and that moment. I remember feeling the warm sunshine on my bare arms and the breeze on my bare legs under my plaid miniskirt. On this day I was a rock star clutching a 3-subject notebook to the front of my black tank top. I was 21, feeling sassy, and about to break some poor little punk-rock wannabe's heart.

I sauntered up to him, pushed my sunglasses back over my black highlights and gave him a wink. I distinctly remember the wink because it was the first and only time in my life I have ever felt that good about a wink. I turned. He followed. He, three years younger than me, was my trained puppy. After discovering his crush on me I had spent well over a month shaping him like a fine hedge. I saw him every day and treated him like a lucky little fan boy, "allowing" him into my good graces and gleefully amusing myself with his continued descent toward worshiping the ground I walked on.

Half leaning, half sitting against a cream colored brick wall I reached out and put a finger on his lips. He knew instantly what was coming and I watched with reptilian detachment while he realized he had been a tool in my heavily orchestrated plan to ensnare someone else. "I'm sorry, honey," I told him. But I wasn't and he knew it.

After leaving his side I turned and immediately saw my new quarry, a new pair of red lenses shading his eyes. He looked good... He was tall and dark haired and had been as mean to me as I had just been a moment earlier. I remember grinning at him as if showing off what I'd done.

Cool? Sure. Nice? No way, Jose.