I've been doing some mental preparatory work because I feel like I'm emerging from this goal-oriented mindset with new ideas about who I want to be. To get a little more specific, I am a rule maker. I get an idea about the way a certain thing should be, and then suddenly 'should' becomes 'must.' Moreover, the rules develop consequences as the idea takes hold in my mind. A few examples:
I must live without a roommate or else I am not successful.
I must be completely guarded and skeptical of anyone I date or else I will get hurt.
I must date someone or else I am not beautiful.
I must work in film production or else I will have failed myself.
My social calendar must be jam packed with events or else I will never be happy.
Those are some very big musts for a girl who's only been here six months! I put an awful lot of pressure on myself to be a certain person who, frankly, is a little beyond my means.
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