I've always had a hard time accepting that I am not the center of the universe. That could be because of my childhood, but I'm tired of blaming my past for who I am today. Nonetheless, I am coming to understand that I have got to stop expecting so much from other people. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment.I'm more than disappointed too. I'm hurt. I know this is New York and everyone is busy. I know that people have other obligations...to work, to family, whatever...but dammit, why do I feel like I have to pretend I have nothing better to do if I want to hang out with someone? Bullshit! It's such bullshit! I DON'T have anything better to do!! I cannot think of anything that is better done alone than with someone else (save the obvious personal moments, of course).
I make the effort, I make the time... Why doesn't anyone else? Why can't this just be...you know...easy? Why can't people just say they're busy or that they can't talk or that they don't really want to hang out with you instead of not answering emails? Why can't--JUST ONCE--2.0 just say "sure, let's you and me and some other folks hang out" instead of "I need to ask my wife." Why can't The Sweetest Gal in Brooklyn ever call ME first instead of playing stupid fucking Facebook tag? Why am I the only one who doesn't seem to want to go home and be lazy? This is fucking New York, people! Get off your couches!
(Oh yeah, I've TOTALLY been blown off by the Producer, which spawned this rant--although it's not solely about him--because after we cleared up the misunderstanding, after he rescued me and was really sweet, now he's just ignoring me, which makes me feel extra great about the whole possibly being drugged thing...since, you know, he was the only person who seems to care. Oh yeah, that night I blacked out? I STILL don't totally know what happened; he's the only person who does, and he seems to believe pretty strongly that I was drugged.)
God dammit. I shouldn't even care.
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Blogged (on the subway) on my iPhone
3 comments:
Oh, no! :(
I understand the feeling... Though lately I've been more of a just-want-to-go-home-and-do-nothing kind of gal (lack of sleep does that to ya)
I hope people start stepping up and calling/meeting up/taking you out for a fun time soon! (Which is not to say you aren't doing that now, I know you are, just that I hope that soon - say, this weekend - some random friend calls you with plans in mind and takes you out for a fabulous New York time!)
Come on! You haven't lost track of time and not responded to an e-mail or voice message? It happens. People are busy and have different priorities than you do. When you're married you do need to coordinate your plans with your spouse. When you have a demanding job sometimes time slips away in between e-mails. You put personal relationships much higher on the list of priorities than most people, so do I, so I know where you're coming from. But because of that you are in the role of social organizer.
Also, you assume the worst in people. Try giving everyone the benefit of the doubt for a week and you'll feel better. Other people aren't doing everything they do because they're out to get you. They're busy and have complex lives and can't respond to an e-mail at the drop of a hat or accept an impromptu invitation to get together on the spot. Sometimes, sure. But not usually. You really can't either most of the time. And just because you don't want to go home and do nothing (which you should when you're getting over an illness, anyway) doesn't mean there's anything wrong with someone else who does. And seriously. New York will still be out there tomorrow. Chill.
I still don't think you were drugged. I think you were bombed and really tired :) Simplest explanation theory.
This place is notorious for this kind of stuff. It's like winning the jackpot when we can all line up our schedules, our naptimes, our trips, etc and actually see people in person.
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