Trying on clothes

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm getting kinda skinny. I'm a size 10 now; to put that in perspective,, even at my lowest weight (156--I'm an even 160 now! So close!) I was always a solid 12. Maybe it's a change in shape, or maybe a change of mind, but the experience of trying on clothes has changed drastically for me.

It used to be that I'd go into a store and search desperately through racks of clothes I could never wear looking for something that might look good on me and also came in the largest size available. I'd try on every viable option, and it wasn't uncommon for me to purchase an item just because it looked good on me, a practice born from fear that my difficulty in finding clothes that fit would leave me with nothing to wear for X, Y, or Z occasion.

Now, trying on clothes, I find things that are too loose, and tons of options available in my size. Sure, there are things that don't look great on my shape, but I can wear dresses I never could before, and my new shape is suitable for a wider variety of silhouettes and cuts. I no longer feel like I have to dress to slim my figure, I just have to dress pretty, or casual, or funky or whatever.

Instead of buying it all because it looked good on me I found myself swaying in the opposite direction; I became more selective. I only bought what I needed and was more discerning about details. I looked fantastic in a gorgeous and versatile black cocktail dress, but I put it back on the rack, knowing I had nowhere to wear it and, more importantly, that there will be other gorgeous and versatile dresses that fit me. And maybe I'll be even smaller, and maybe they'll hug my curves even better and maybe the straps won't do that thing where I have to lift them off my shoulders every fifteen minutes.

Regardless, my new shape is pretty pleasing to me, and apparently to the men of New York City too. I've definitely noticed that I'm treated differently when I'm almost 30 lbs. lighter. More smiles, more flirtatious banter, more catcalls... and even just flat out better service and treatment during business transactions.

Pigs.

Regardless, just like clothes, the new shape has me checking them out with a more selective eye, going only for the right attitude and style and for things I need, instead of just going with something because it's available and okay for now. I want something that's striking, something that really grabs my attention and fits me perfect in every noticable way. Something I can wear casually for a long time, and that will look better and better on me as time passes. And of it's not right, I won't be afraid to let it go, because there's always another dress. And maybe the next one will fit better and not do that thing where he's got no discernible interests outside his job, or can't put up with me having so little spare time, or doesn't take any initiative with me. So...yeah. Selective.

The analogy is kind of funny, but it really shows how much more comfortable I am in my own skin. I'm just generally happier to be me in a much different way than the manic freedom fighter of a year ago. I've replaced the battle cry of "I'm free!" with a pleasant comfort in having what I have, and confidence that I will get what I wish for, provided I continue my trend of working toward my goals and making myself happy.


kyle the girl
(on iPhone)