There's this girl who works on my job. She's nice, but more importantly she's pretty. I can't help but notice that she gets an overwhelming amount of "friendly" attention from the guys around, including my boss. I'm nice. But I'm just not as pretty, I guess, because I'm lucky if they talk to me at all.
I'm totally infatuated with this 22 year old boy, and I REALLY notice when it's he paying that attention and then totally passing me by. We kissed one night, drunk in his hotel room. He totally freaked out about my age. He thinks I'm old. That makes me feel old. That I'm totally infatuated with him makes me feel stupid. That he's not infatuated back makes me feel rejected.
I have a date tomorrow with a detective named Kevin. I don't know what he detects. I'm not feeling well. I hope I feel better so I can wow him with my awesomeness. I hope I don't spend the entire time thinking about the 22 year old boy. Or Thinky Face. I suspect I'll probably think of both fleetingly.
I hope Halloween comes quick so I can get on another job without that boy. I hope I find enough time to not be excluded from the dance troupe understudy thing anymore. I hope I can come to terms with the things that aren't right in my heart (and secretly also hope to lose another fifteen pounds) so that I can be the pretty girl one day. I hope my chance for that isn't slipping away. I'm turning 29 in 10 days...
kyle the girl
(on iPhone)
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