Catharsis

I had kind of a catharsis today, possibly induced by watching Phoebe in Wonderland and then running a fast fast five miler in the snow. In the shower after my run I imagined being with my mom and my sister and Peanut in a black box theater with fake snow blowing all around us. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with joy and when the thought of dad flickered into my brain, instead of pushing it out I welcomed it as part of the emotions I felt. For a moment it pushed me over the edge into tears, but only just a moment. Then the joy won out and I could feel the rush of excitement I get when I have a great idea or when I get a job offer or when I kiss someone I like for the first time. Thrill. Adventure. These are the moments I live for. The whirlwind of energy that carries me up into the clouds.

I'd like to stay in the clouds and live there forever, feeling high on the excitement of creating the life I want for myself. Sometimes I feel like I could if only I could rid myself of the pesky loneliness that hangs off me like a pile of anchors dragging me down. One by one I'm letting them go, getting closer and closer to being comfortable on my own. One day soon. One day soon.