There’s a ton going on! Some tough some wonderful, but mostly wonderful—I’m
There is so much going on lately! But honestly right now I’m just feeling really grateful and swirled up in love from my friends and my sister and my mom.
(Also coincidentally I am working on a new Spiderman Movie today)
I had a tough time for a bit but I’ve been busy working (I’m working on a Spiderman movie, coincidentally) and Feeling strong and happy. And I’m excited for my 40th and feeling really grateful!
Weird
I was so surprised running past you in the park yesterday, but I guess it was bound to happen sometime! I hope things are coming together for you. Wish you well! 🙂
Ben-
My heart wants to support you and lift you up and share joy and fun and good things and give you a break from your troubles. It felt so good that you called last week, but I felt and still feel very confused because I thought you didn’t want me in your life anymore.
I don’t want to shut you out if you need support, but I also don’t want to misunderstand the boundaries, yours or mine, and it feels like I’m missing some information here. Can you help me by clarifying what you want?
Ben-
My heart wants to support you and lift you up and share joy and fun and good things and give you a break from your troubles. It felt so good to speak with you last week but I also feel confused—I thought you broke up because you didn’t have room for me.
I don’t want to shut you out when you need someone. But I have been hurt really badly before so I need to be very careful that I understand the boundaries. Can you help me understand yours?
xo
Kyle
Ben-
Hi. This is easier for me to organize my thoughts.
My heart wants to support you and lift you up and share joy and fun and good things and give you a break from your troubles. It feels good that you called and that you want me in your life, but I am confused because I thought you broke up because you didn’t have room for me.
I don’t want to shut you out when you need someone. But I don’t want Can you help me by clarifying what you do want?
I’m sorry I was sharp with you on the phone. I have experienced partners who used their problems to manipulate my sympathy after breakups. I know that is not you, and I know you would never do such a thing! I only mean to explain that I was triggered and feeling unsafe, and that it wasn’t you that made me feel that way.
Ben-
Hi. This is easier for me to organize my thoughts.
My heart wants to support you and lift you up and share joy and fun and good things and give you a break from your troubles. It feels good that you called, but I thought you broke up because you didn’t have room for me, so I’m confused.
I don’t want to shut you out when you need someone. But I don’t want to misunderstand the boundaries either. Can you help me by clarifying what you do want?
I’m sorry I was sharp with you on the phone. I have experienced partners who used their problems to manipulate my sympathy after breakups. I know that is not you, and I know you would never do such a thing! I only mean to explain that I was triggered and feeling unsafe, and that it wasn’t you that made me feel that way.
Anyway, I have a ton going on the next few weeks and I needed to get this off my chest so I can focus. Thanks for reading. I do really hope things are getting better.
xo
Kyle
It was actually really good listening to you the other day—your voice just melts me like the sun is shining from my insides. My heart wants to listen and support you and lift you up and share joy and fun and good things. But I thought breaking up was a rejection of my offer of those things, so our talk left me very confused.
Talking to you felt so good—my heart leapt when I heard your voice. It felt like you finally wanted the love and support I have to give.
I‘ve been doing my best to move on, but since we talked I have been feeling confused. My heart wants to walk under the trees with you and listen and support you and maybe lift some of the weight by sharing my joy and happiness. When we broke up, I felt like you were saying you didn’t want those things from me. I don’t want my heart to get broken by holding onto hope for something that will never be there, but I also don’t want to shut you out when you need someone on your side if there is hope for us down the road. I could really use your help finding some clarity here.
Hi.
I feel confused about our phone conversation. I am afraid that I did not express myself clearly. I’m writing a lot lately, and learning it helps me organize my thoughts.
My heart aches to hear you are still so consumed by your troubles. Yesterday I felt so confused, because I do want to listen and be there for you. I do want to help if you need anything. I want to do whatever I can to help you relax and feel less overwhelmed.
But I can’t do that if I don’t take care of myself. If you truly don’t want a relationship with me, I need space to be able to move on so I can find someone who does.
Today I’m sitting in the sun outside the studio but it feels like the warmth is coming from my heart after hearing your voice and feeling reconnected to you. It’s like it doesn’t even know what my mind knows. I still feel like you’re with me.
My mind heard you break up with me, but that kind of intimate conversation so soon after breaking up just makes me question whether it was true or not. I don’t understand what you could want from me now if you didn’t want me two weeks ago.
I’m sorry I was so sharp—Maybe you’re right to leave it up to me when to reach out. But I don’t have much experience with this, so I‘m not sure how to do that. In my experience, breaking up with someone means you don’t want to see or speak to them anymore at all, so this conversation was very confusing for me. I just don’t understand what it is you wanted. Could you tell me? I think it would help. If you don’t know what you want, that’s okay, but I can’t help you figure it out—I‘ve taken scraps long enough, and I finally feel confident that I deserve a healthy and loving relationship with someone who wants a future with me. If you don’t that is okay too, but I need to make space for someone who does.
I am still confused about your breaking up with me. I felt great with you and felt like we were on the same page about our values and the way we want to spend our time. I wanted to be a partner to you and take whatever part of your burden I could to help you cope. I have my own problems, sure, and while I do have my feelings about them from time to time, I have been taking care of myself and my own problems since I was a kid and certainly do not expect anything from anyone. I felt spoiled with attention from you and loved every second of it and always wanted more. I think maybe I was spoiled and asked for too much. But I never needed it.
I don’t need things, but I want things. I want a fun, exciting life with a partner who loves me and dotes on me and shares me with all the important people in his life. I want to see and try new things with this partner and show him things that are new to him. I want more than anything to feel what it feels like to have a family, whatever that looks like. I want to feel like there is someone who wants all of me and is willing to accept my shortcomings and help me do better when I mess up, and I want to give that same gift back. I want to love someone with all my heart and to be loved. I want to support myself. I want to express myself. I want to feel wanted. That’s about it.
I really thought I saw a future of those things with you. It really hurts that I was wrong. Because I believed you did so wholeheartedly it is difficult to accept that you don’t want those things with me, and even moreso when you’re calling me and sharing your life with me as if there were no problem at all.
I do not fault you, I just feel so much confusion from you. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough about what I want? Maybe we just aren’t on the same page.
I hope things work out for you. I care about you deeply. You are in my heart.
But you said you can’t share your life with me...so I’m confused about our conversation yesterday. What is it you want from me? Does reaching out to me mean you want to share your life, you just can’t?
I understand that you don’t have the capacity for a relationship. But if I am to move forward with my search for a partner who does want to share his life with me, I need space from you so I can do that without wondering if there is a chance with us.
Dear Universe, I want a loving, doting husband who is ready to have a fun and exciting life (and maybe a baby) with me. I want us to be a team together and share a home that we both are proud of and feel comfortable in. I want him to be so excited and proud to show me off to the people in his life.
Dear Ben, I don’t want to put any pressure on you or our relationship, but I need to understand what you envision for a life together. What does it look like? What are the practical asks?
Dear Body, what do you need? A: my body wants a bath and to put my feet up and cuddle with Lou. My body is hungry for a nutritious meal. My body wants the security of knowing I have options. My body misses being held and the feelings of safety and security that come with that.
It would feel so good to talk to you. I feel nervous though, I don’t want to talk if it’s just about making you feel better; I’m worried that will hurt even more. But I trust you—what do you think?
Thank you for the last few months. In spite of all the difficulties we had individually, they have been one of the sweetest and most rewarding times of my life. I’ll always remember dancing under the stars in your living room and our weird and magic outdoor adventures. Take care of yourself and best of luck with Javi. I’ll always think you’re the best.
xo
Kyle
Music service recommendations other than Spotify
Word plays
You have so much going on, and I want to be there and help, but I’m feeling a lot of confusion from you on whether you want to let me in.
That is totally fine, but I’m going to take some space. I care about you deeply and want to move forward with you—but I need to protect myself, and I don’t want to get closer with someone who isn’t sure what he wants from me.
xx
Kyle
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