What is it about New York that makes hats and scarves look better?

Maybe it's the blustery, overcast spring day we had--I love overcast days--but New Yorkers were looking good from my vantage point. The wind blew scarves around behind necks under smiling, rosy-cheeked faces and the clouds diffused the sunlight so that the faces were bright, but not harsh. Curled up in the window seat at a certain tanning salon on 14th st. I watched this cross section of New York walking to and fro along the street and wondered what my place in it will be in a year or in two years or in ten. Will I even stay? Will I do work that is satisfying and rewarding? Will I have many friends, or just a few good ones like I have now?

Will I have loved someone again?

What will I have accomplished? What wisdom will I pass on to my little niece or nephew? Will I have more than one of those? Will I still feel afraid to open up the "real me" to my mother above everyone else?

Will I still be intimidated by beautiful people? Who of those who surround me now will still play large roles in my life? Will I write the book or make the film or will my story stay with me? Will I still feel overwhelmed by possibility? Will I still be able to stay in the moment, as I have now been doing for one precious week?

Where will I live? How will I spend my days? Will I be like Salty or one of the Aunts? Will people still tell me I'm just like my mom?

Will I always have a soft spot for awkwardness? Will I always be as awkward and fumbling as I am now? Will I be able to live up to my ideals or will my ideals change as I do?

Not that any of this truly matters now... My heart is just in a curious place today. I had a nice and busy day, spent with lots of nice people, and while sitting there with my cheek nestled against PDF's sleeve I was very glad for the freedom to ask.