closure exercise

​What do I feel so threatened by?

I feel threatened by Chris’s dismissal of me with no response.  

Why do I feel so threatened by that thing? 

I fear that it means he doesn’t respect me or care about me. 

What about that hurt me so bad? 

I think I actually let myself love him. And I am afraid that he might have loved me too if I hadn’t messed things up the way I told him about the date I went on. 

What am I really afraid of in this situation?

I fear that I am disgusting and stupid and boring and no fun and kind of a bad person who would never be lovable by someone as awesome as him. I feared—and still fear—that my unlovableness means that he would hurt me the way I have been hurt before. 

I fear that this was a self fulfilling prophecy and I absolutely ruined what was an awesome awesome thing. 

What need do I have in this situation that is not getting met?

I need to feel safe with someone. That looks like them spending time and taking an interest in me. That looks like me feeling like I have an opportunity to express my feelings and be heard. That looks like me having opportunities to hear and share their feelings. It looks like us both being honest about what we want and our experience together—like honest with each other and with ourselves. 

Right now I need to feel heard. I need to feel like he actually had a care about me, or is sorry that I am hurt, or at least heard what I had to say. 

And I need to hear his feelings and have an opportunity to respond to them.