self limiting beliefs and moving up.

​Today my horoscope on The Pattern asked me, In what ways do I fear success? What are these emotions trying to teach me about myself?”

Gotta remember to come back to that. It’s easy to keep my eyes on the prize when I’m working though: I fear only failure. I will get this movie done.

Today was also our first day of prep on We Real Cool… funny to see John there right after coming back to my blog and reading the nonsense I wrote when I was dating him. It wasn’t awkward at all, especially when he greeted me by shaking my hand. 

…

Anyway. I also got a ping from a DP I like asking me if I have a reel yet. Ugh. So that’s a thing. I also am working with some great people who are real creative hearts and feeding my drive to do the little concept I came up with of the short movie about hands. And seeing Chris, with his wild successes, and having to tell Andrew that steadi is going slow, and and and and… why am I not DOING this? I believe in myself as an operator! So what DO I fear about success?

I’m afraid of working less, which is a real danger if I change my card to operating. THAT makes me afraid of losing my health insurance, not having enough money and not being able to afford my life. 

But more than that, I’m afraid I’ll suck. I’m afraid I’ll be shit at it, and people won’t like me or my work. I’m afraid that I’ll prove myself wrong and actually be quite terrible at framing shots. 

Hmm. This is Self Limiting Beliefs. My feelings are trying to protect me from themselves. They’re trying to make sure I don’t try so I don’t get hurt. But I can do better!